Six Months Today

I embrace today with love and memories. Though I miss Bob in ways I can never explain, it feels like a "powerful" day to me. I feel ready to move onto the second half of the first year. Today i am putting away the Halloween decorations (Bob loved Halloween) and taking out the Thanksgiving stuff. Moving on. Does this mean forgetting? NO WAY. I could never forget the most important human to ever touch my life. I couldn't forget the only man I loved and the father of three of the most beautiful kids ever. Though our vows were "Till death do us part" I just don't feel parted. So I honor that bond and vow and I move on through life WITH Bob, if not but a memory.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the poem that Jordan wrote back in June. The pain and loss were so real and so raw. Maybe today I can coax her into another creation and it will better depict her feelings now. She seems well but tasks like this paint a better picture of what's deep in the well. Below you'll find a reprise of that poem.
Today is the six month anniversary of my loss but of Bob's gain. The gain of wings, halos, perfect peace and love. The gain of what we are all waiting for...GOD'S FACE. What could be so wrong with that? Maybe my thoughts should reflect the fact that today I REJOICE that there is no more pain, no more suffering, no more being trapped inside a body that you can no longer control. Today is reason to celebrate.
Here's to the best husband, father, son and brother. Heres to the best friend, coworker,soldier and man. Here's to the best example of what dignity and honor are all about. To you my sweetheart...to you!

Today I celebrate YOU: ROBERT DONALD CENDROWSKI

6 Weeks

It’s been 6 weeks
6 weeks of grief and emptiness
6 weeks of wanting you back
6 weeks of hopes and dreams.
What will 6 months be?
Or 6 years?
Will there ever be a day that I happy for you?
I know you’re with God
And I know you are healed
But do you think of me
And Mommy, Jon and Matt?
I think of you
And I think of what I’ll grow up to be.
Will I be like you or will I be like Mommy?
Will I live a life worth living or will it be hell?
Sometimes I wonder;
think too much, I cry too much.
Go to God Daddy and find peace
But on this 6 week mark
Think of me
I love you daddy with all my heart
And wish we never had to part
Just one more“I love you” or
One more kiss
Or even just one more ponytail pull,peoples eye brow and “Doh!”
But today, on this 6 week mark
I think of your legacy, journey, and fight.
Daddy, I love you with all my heart, soul and being.

JAC 6-15-06