"In Life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us." ~ Anne from the Hodgkins Board

What could be more true than that! These last two years so much has happened around me. I just discovered that I actually missed an entire year of life. Not that I wouldn't trade it all to have Bob back. I would in a heart beat. I think everyone knows that. I miss my husband soooo much. This season makes it difficult to focus on much besides the fact that Bob isn't here. He was so proud of our home all the time but especially at Christmas. The more I'd decorate, the more he loved it. Christmas was the only time of year when he didn't care if I spent money to decorate, in fact he encouraged it!

Things happend TO me also. I became another year older, I lost and gained weight due to stress, I spent 30 days in the hospital beside Bob's side, I went on a medical leave of absence to care for Bob,I became and aunt again to my precious baby nephew, Hunter Gabriel and I became a WIDOW and SINGLE PARENT. Sosme were fun things and others were terrible.

I'm no worse for wear though. I'm strong, happy, adjusted and above all more faithful today than ever before. This doesn't mean that EVERY day is a bed of roses...quite the contrary. I have emotionally low days. I cry. In fact I wail. I have memories and those fun, good times pop into my head and make me bittersweet often. I am human. But as the months tick away....I'm at 7 today, those terrible days become farther apart and easier to face. It's true.

So within me I think I can feel good. I am healthy. I am strong. I am independant. I am loved and I am really over all happy. I have crossed apths with people along the way who have helped me in my journey and for them I am thankful. I have crossed paths with people who through all of this have added to the hurt and I have to accept that hurt, mend my wounds and move on knowing that even that can't beat me down. The old addage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is so true. I am a stronger, better person for enduring that pain and moving on
anyway. There are a lot of things that people might say and do but to hold my children against me is not cool.

I am who I am and I want to surround myself with people who accept that and accept me and who love me despite it.

I am woman hear me roar!

~~ Rayne~~