Eleanor Roosevelt:
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
How powerful is that? It surely spoke volumes to me. When I REALLY stop to look fear in the face, I realize that I can overcome every fear with courage, strength and confidence. Kinda reminds me of the story of the Little Engine that Could. Remember him? He went around saying "ithink I can , I think I can," and before he knew it HE COULD! Sometimes we all have to get back to those childhood nursery rhymes to find that courage which our parents instilled in us as young children. I actually like to visit those corners of my memory. There is comfort there.
Similarly, I gain so much confidence and courage and strength from a conversation Bob and I had several months before his death in which I said "Honey, I don't know how I'll ever live without you." and Bob replied without a moments hesitation, " You'll be fine because of your faith and because you are the strongest woman I know." Now how on earth do I even go one minute without being strong and faithfilled and determined? When your spouse and the only man you've ever loved says that, you're in it lock, stock and barrel !
I suspect that Eleanor Roosevelt had quite a distinguished life, but most definately had some tragedies in her life whereby she clung to her thought hard and fast. Being the wife of a high level Army Ofiicer was challenging and required a lot emotion from me. I can't even imagine what being the wife of our country's president must have been like. If I ever had one bad day where I felt like throwing in the towel or throwing my hands up and yelling "forget it," then she had 10. And yet she faced her challenges with grace, honor and diplomacy and in a real ladylike manner. I want to be like her. I want to be remembered by all who know me as a woman who stood by her man, who loved life and exemplified grace, honor and diginity. I want to be the woman who was fair and honest and kind. I want to be a woman who is loved and who always sets the example to do what is right whether I like it or not. I want to be a woman who loved herself enough to lay aside her selfishness and often her vindictiveness to forgive and forget.
If I can live but one day and gain but a thimble full of courage, strength and confidence from such a great role model, then I feel well equipped to carry on and make the best of myself.
Let us not forget those who walked these paths before us and gave us such wise words and so much to model life around. May I always remember to look fear in the face and never be afraid to call on the courage, confidence and strength that comes from that. God bless Eleanor Roosevelt and God bless us all.
~~ Rayne ~~
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
The Christmas Letter for 2006
All of you should get one in your card, but just in case I forget someone, here it is!
Merry Christmas!
~~ Rayne ~~
The Cendrowski Family
Christmas 2006
Dear friends and family,
I always start my letters with our family’s greatest gift and this year is no different. Our greatest gift this year brings us much sadness and much joy. Our greatest gift this year is our very special and precious Guardian Angel Bob.
Our Bob is spending his first Christmas WITH Jesus and what can be so bad about that except that we are not with him. Bob’s long and arduous fight with Hodgkins Lymphoma ended on May 4th when Jesus brought him home to be with him. I have to tell you that I believe that Bob was as pain free and comfortable as he could be and that he passed peacefully in Pennsylvania Hospital. We had discussed this time in great detail and it was more comfortable for him and me that he be in the hospital rather than at home and his desire was that we all not be around when the actual “homecoming” occurred and so all of his wishes were met. There are NO words that can convey how our loss has affected us but we continue on our life’s journey charged with the fact that Bob has once again gone to our next home before us to get ready for our arrival one day. We feel no less connected to him or a part of him; he’s just not in a place where we can now communicate. This doesn’t mean we don’t talk to him or make him a part of our days adventures. We miss and love him very mush but we are LIVING.
Jordan is 13 and in the eighth grade! Hard to believe that she is taller than I and that she has turned into a beautiful young lady. She is president of our school’s student council and once again is making great grades. Now in her 5th season of The Nutcracker, she is still an avid ballerina who passed her first PROFESSIONAL EXAM in the Cecchetti method of ballet. Additionally, she is a member of the Honors Choir and is also in the all school chorus . Her plans are to audition for the All School Play in the spring. We hear it is going to be Annie this year! I couldn’t be prouder to have such a smart, talented and beautiful daughter and I know she makes her Daddy proud as well.
Jonathon is 18 and a FRESHMAN at Andrew College in western Georgia. He loves it and is doing well with all the pressures of being away from home, grieving, and adjusting to college and its demands. He came home for Thanksgiving and will return in about 2 weeks for a long winter break. He is majoring in Physical Education and hopes to teach in a high school environment and coach golf…his first love. I am extremely proud of him and happy that he has taken up the challenge to further his education and I know his dad is also.
Matthew is 22. No that’s not a typo! Matt finished 3 years at our local community college but hasn’t decided what he wants to be when he grows up!! As a result he has decided to follow his dad’s footsteps and join the military. Tell me his dad isn’t boasting with pride!
Matt leaves for Parris Island on January 17 and will spend 12 grueling weeks in the US MARINE Boot camp. Afterwards he will go to AOI and will be trained to be a journalist or paralegal. Once he attains the rank of E-4 (about 2 years) he will finish college and then continue in the Marines as a 1st Lieutenant. Not a bad plan of action for a young man who wants to figure out his life’s path. He is excited and after the initial shock of it, I am thrilled for him too. Please keep him in your prayers as he embarks on his new journey.
I am still teaching full time at our township middle school. I took a leave of absence last spring to take care of Bob, but was right back at it 5 weeks after his death. I’m not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I have always felt like the speed of the leader is the speed of the pack and I needed to set the example for the kids and other family members who are comforted to know that we are okay. I am very involved in an online support group for young widows and have enjoyed meeting faces of my friends at various “Widowbagoes” around the country. I traveled to Phoenix in October and will meet up with nearly 100 widows in January in Ft. Lauderdale. It’s great to have friends who “get it.” I am still am the resident Taxi driver and Chief Chef and I even get to put in a quite a few hours as Bookkeeper and housekeeper. Do I sleep? Very little!
Our wish for you all this year is very simple and honest. We hope that your lives will be filled with love, joy, good health and peace and that you will not ever forget to hug and kiss those that you love and care about. Life is a very precious gift that should never be taken for granted. We love you all and think of you and pray for you daily. Happy holidays from our family to yours.
With Love,
Laurayne, Matt, Jon , Jordie and Angel Bob
Merry Christmas!
~~ Rayne ~~
The Cendrowski Family
Christmas 2006
Dear friends and family,
I always start my letters with our family’s greatest gift and this year is no different. Our greatest gift this year brings us much sadness and much joy. Our greatest gift this year is our very special and precious Guardian Angel Bob.
Our Bob is spending his first Christmas WITH Jesus and what can be so bad about that except that we are not with him. Bob’s long and arduous fight with Hodgkins Lymphoma ended on May 4th when Jesus brought him home to be with him. I have to tell you that I believe that Bob was as pain free and comfortable as he could be and that he passed peacefully in Pennsylvania Hospital. We had discussed this time in great detail and it was more comfortable for him and me that he be in the hospital rather than at home and his desire was that we all not be around when the actual “homecoming” occurred and so all of his wishes were met. There are NO words that can convey how our loss has affected us but we continue on our life’s journey charged with the fact that Bob has once again gone to our next home before us to get ready for our arrival one day. We feel no less connected to him or a part of him; he’s just not in a place where we can now communicate. This doesn’t mean we don’t talk to him or make him a part of our days adventures. We miss and love him very mush but we are LIVING.
Jordan is 13 and in the eighth grade! Hard to believe that she is taller than I and that she has turned into a beautiful young lady. She is president of our school’s student council and once again is making great grades. Now in her 5th season of The Nutcracker, she is still an avid ballerina who passed her first PROFESSIONAL EXAM in the Cecchetti method of ballet. Additionally, she is a member of the Honors Choir and is also in the all school chorus . Her plans are to audition for the All School Play in the spring. We hear it is going to be Annie this year! I couldn’t be prouder to have such a smart, talented and beautiful daughter and I know she makes her Daddy proud as well.
Jonathon is 18 and a FRESHMAN at Andrew College in western Georgia. He loves it and is doing well with all the pressures of being away from home, grieving, and adjusting to college and its demands. He came home for Thanksgiving and will return in about 2 weeks for a long winter break. He is majoring in Physical Education and hopes to teach in a high school environment and coach golf…his first love. I am extremely proud of him and happy that he has taken up the challenge to further his education and I know his dad is also.
Matthew is 22. No that’s not a typo! Matt finished 3 years at our local community college but hasn’t decided what he wants to be when he grows up!! As a result he has decided to follow his dad’s footsteps and join the military. Tell me his dad isn’t boasting with pride!
Matt leaves for Parris Island on January 17 and will spend 12 grueling weeks in the US MARINE Boot camp. Afterwards he will go to AOI and will be trained to be a journalist or paralegal. Once he attains the rank of E-4 (about 2 years) he will finish college and then continue in the Marines as a 1st Lieutenant. Not a bad plan of action for a young man who wants to figure out his life’s path. He is excited and after the initial shock of it, I am thrilled for him too. Please keep him in your prayers as he embarks on his new journey.
I am still teaching full time at our township middle school. I took a leave of absence last spring to take care of Bob, but was right back at it 5 weeks after his death. I’m not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I have always felt like the speed of the leader is the speed of the pack and I needed to set the example for the kids and other family members who are comforted to know that we are okay. I am very involved in an online support group for young widows and have enjoyed meeting faces of my friends at various “Widowbagoes” around the country. I traveled to Phoenix in October and will meet up with nearly 100 widows in January in Ft. Lauderdale. It’s great to have friends who “get it.” I am still am the resident Taxi driver and Chief Chef and I even get to put in a quite a few hours as Bookkeeper and housekeeper. Do I sleep? Very little!
Our wish for you all this year is very simple and honest. We hope that your lives will be filled with love, joy, good health and peace and that you will not ever forget to hug and kiss those that you love and care about. Life is a very precious gift that should never be taken for granted. We love you all and think of you and pray for you daily. Happy holidays from our family to yours.
With Love,
Laurayne, Matt, Jon , Jordie and Angel Bob
Monday, December 4, 2006
"In Life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us." ~ Anne from the Hodgkins Board
What could be more true than that! These last two years so much has happened around me. I just discovered that I actually missed an entire year of life. Not that I wouldn't trade it all to have Bob back. I would in a heart beat. I think everyone knows that. I miss my husband soooo much. This season makes it difficult to focus on much besides the fact that Bob isn't here. He was so proud of our home all the time but especially at Christmas. The more I'd decorate, the more he loved it. Christmas was the only time of year when he didn't care if I spent money to decorate, in fact he encouraged it!
Things happend TO me also. I became another year older, I lost and gained weight due to stress, I spent 30 days in the hospital beside Bob's side, I went on a medical leave of absence to care for Bob,I became and aunt again to my precious baby nephew, Hunter Gabriel and I became a WIDOW and SINGLE PARENT. Sosme were fun things and others were terrible.
I'm no worse for wear though. I'm strong, happy, adjusted and above all more faithful today than ever before. This doesn't mean that EVERY day is a bed of roses...quite the contrary. I have emotionally low days. I cry. In fact I wail. I have memories and those fun, good times pop into my head and make me bittersweet often. I am human. But as the months tick away....I'm at 7 today, those terrible days become farther apart and easier to face. It's true.
So within me I think I can feel good. I am healthy. I am strong. I am independant. I am loved and I am really over all happy. I have crossed apths with people along the way who have helped me in my journey and for them I am thankful. I have crossed paths with people who through all of this have added to the hurt and I have to accept that hurt, mend my wounds and move on knowing that even that can't beat me down. The old addage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is so true. I am a stronger, better person for enduring that pain and moving on
anyway. There are a lot of things that people might say and do but to hold my children against me is not cool.
I am who I am and I want to surround myself with people who accept that and accept me and who love me despite it.
I am woman hear me roar!
~~ Rayne~~
What could be more true than that! These last two years so much has happened around me. I just discovered that I actually missed an entire year of life. Not that I wouldn't trade it all to have Bob back. I would in a heart beat. I think everyone knows that. I miss my husband soooo much. This season makes it difficult to focus on much besides the fact that Bob isn't here. He was so proud of our home all the time but especially at Christmas. The more I'd decorate, the more he loved it. Christmas was the only time of year when he didn't care if I spent money to decorate, in fact he encouraged it!
Things happend TO me also. I became another year older, I lost and gained weight due to stress, I spent 30 days in the hospital beside Bob's side, I went on a medical leave of absence to care for Bob,I became and aunt again to my precious baby nephew, Hunter Gabriel and I became a WIDOW and SINGLE PARENT. Sosme were fun things and others were terrible.
I'm no worse for wear though. I'm strong, happy, adjusted and above all more faithful today than ever before. This doesn't mean that EVERY day is a bed of roses...quite the contrary. I have emotionally low days. I cry. In fact I wail. I have memories and those fun, good times pop into my head and make me bittersweet often. I am human. But as the months tick away....I'm at 7 today, those terrible days become farther apart and easier to face. It's true.
So within me I think I can feel good. I am healthy. I am strong. I am independant. I am loved and I am really over all happy. I have crossed apths with people along the way who have helped me in my journey and for them I am thankful. I have crossed paths with people who through all of this have added to the hurt and I have to accept that hurt, mend my wounds and move on knowing that even that can't beat me down. The old addage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is so true. I am a stronger, better person for enduring that pain and moving on
anyway. There are a lot of things that people might say and do but to hold my children against me is not cool.
I am who I am and I want to surround myself with people who accept that and accept me and who love me despite it.
I am woman hear me roar!
~~ Rayne~~
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